I have been thinking about his mother lately. I wonder what she was like. I wonder why she let him go to the streets alone at 3. Things must have been terrible Was she sick, did she die and Rocky just left, was she so poor that she let him go? What were the circumstances that you let a 3 year old go? I have a statue of a black women holding a black baby by his bed and I tell him every night that this is Rocky and his mama. But he doesn't understand. He thinks it is me. I want him to know I love his mother for what she did. I have the most wonderful son. I tell him every night I will keep him safe and never let him go. I wish I could tell his mother that he is safe with us. I want her to know I will take great care of him. I feel such an emptiness when I think of her. I am trying to contact someone that speaks Lingala and maybe they can get some information from him about his past. I think when he learns English it will be too late for us to learn anything. I did find someone that lives in IL and they will talk with him on the phone but not sure if he will give any information. it hurts me that I won't be able to tell him anything about his past. No pictures or no memories from 0 to 4 years old.
Dan and I have been going to this wonderful church for about 6 months now and we are loving it. My favorite part of the week is church. I feel like they are our family. One thing I am struggling with is some family members are Catholic and they have a different outlook on us going to a new church. I understand we all have different views on religion and church but my thought is it doesn't matter what religion you are but that we all have the love for God. Part of our family is very religious and so many times I want to talk about what happened at our church and I can't. I bite my tongue every time. It is hard for me because church is now such a big part of my life. I understand that we are family and they want us to continue going to the church they grew up with, but things change. We all change. Change can be good. On Christmas Eve we went to Mass and Rocky typically runs in the room where they teach 4 year olds about God. this time he didn't want to go to that room. He wanted to stay with us. So we thought we would take him to mass and see what happens. It was almost like he knew it was Christmas. He sat there quietly and listened to everything happening. Now if you know Rocky he doesn't sit still for anything. I could not believe how he sat there. Yes we did sit in the front row and we sang our hearts out but still he was so good. Then pastor Ken started talking and he got a little bored and left to go to the restroom but then came back to finish the hour long service. It is almost as if he knew his place to be was with his family that night. It was wonderful that we were all together. Now this is what Christmas is all about. I wanted to tell our family about this. I think they would have been so proud but again I was silent. Why does religion have to but a strain on people's lives like this? It is so hard for me to comprehend. I hope one day we can speak freely about how happy we are and blessed that we found this wonderful church and new family.
We are so blessed that Rocky is part of our family. Besides having so much energy he is so loving. He kisses people all the time. He told our pastor Ken he loved him. He is so kind and has a big heart. He wants to be like everyone else. On Christmas my niece sang a little song to the family. Well Rocky loved that she was getting so much attention he sang a song after her. Now all we heard was part of jingle bells and that was "Hey" at the end. He was so cute. He hates sweets but after church they serve sweets like donuts or cookies. He has NEVER ate either one but when he sees all the kids eating he will eat one too. He still has to put it up to his nose like a dog and smell it but he eats it. I have to watch him like a hawk when he is around food because he picks up everything and smells it. He must have a good sense of smell. I am thinking when he was on the streets he probably smelled everything and if it smelled like food he would eat it. We went to a buffet today and he would have smelled everything and put it right up to his nose but I hold him back and ask what he wants. I put it on his plate he then goes back to the table and smells it.
He loves the cold here. He wants to go outside all the time. Dan is getting tired of going out and pushing him in a sled over and over. He will do anything to go outside. Today he was outside smashing an old piece of furniture and he had a hammer and he swung it and it hit his chin. Oh did he cry. He doesn't cry often with pain but today he did. He still has not gained one pound. He has lost weight. I am not sure why but we go to the doctor tomorrow. I think he is started to eat like a normal 4 year old now. He doesn't need to eat 24/7. He would always have food at his place at the table. He would eat more than me. But the last 2 days I said to Dan "he isn't eating very much" and Dan said "Heidi he is probably starting to eat like a normal 4 year old we are just not used to him not eating." Probably true.
Boy I could do this adoption thing over and over and over again. If it wasn't so much money I would do it again. There are so many kids that need homes but the price of adoption is so costly people are turned away from it. My purpose on Earth is to be a mom and I mean a good mom. I am here to help children that need help. I always wondered why God put me on Earth. Now as I am older I realized I am here for children. I will do all I can to help them. My kids come first (sorry Dan). I think I have a bigger calling coming. I am not sure what that is but I pray every day for God to lead me this way. It is a feeling I have and all I can do is wait. It is all up to God.
Hugs to all of you
Heidi
Here is my video of Rocky's gotcha day video
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