1st day home

We woke up and Dan took him out to the bank and did some chasing. Rocky is having a very difficult time with seat belts and has fits when he is buckled in. Our daughter Sommer has to be with him all the time. They are inseparable. It is so cute to see. When he cries she wants to give him whatever he wants. I think that is sweet but then Rocky will never learn. 

He was hungry this morning so I opened our cupboards and show him what we have and he only wanted bread. So I took the loaf out and gave him a piece and he was crying. So I asked him what he wanted and he went to the loaf of bread and took out about 6 pieces and held onto them. He would not let them go. He ate little by little and then finally he was full. Then he starts feeding Titan our lab again. He had too much fun. Our dog will be gaining weight.

Also FYI Rocky HATES being outside. He does not like the cold at all. We take him out and he runs to the door wanting to come back in. Hope this changes when the snow falls.

We are getting ready to go to thanksgiving dinner at my dad's house. there will be lots of people there and we wonder how he will react. Well we got there and he was sleeping from the car ride and walked in. He was quiet but then he fit right in. He had such a good time. He ate a good dinner and DID NOT lick his plate. This was great. He even left food on it. I was so surprised. He is learning. He did share some toys with his cousin Brody. I was happy about this. they are about 2 months apart. We walked him out to the lake and he stepped right in. So his shoe was all wet. He probably never saw so much water. He also probably never saw so much food.

Then we had to leave and go to Hunter's first hockey game of the season. He loved it. We walked in right when they started the National Anthem. So he was there for that. Now he is an American. I was proud to be there. He watched the hockey game like he was playing. He loved it. Lots going on. But he did so good.

Then we went home and I went to bed. I am still not feeling the best. He played with Sommer and Sommer's boyfriend for the rest of the night while Dan put up the tree. he adores our daughter. She is spoiling him way too much.

Still having some issues with him. He hits and bites. He has tantrums because we can't understand what he is saying. The language is the biggest issue with us. He tries to tell me what he wants but no one can understand what he is saying. He has lots of energy and loves to run and play. 

Glad we are home. 

Coming Home

Dan and I are so ready to come home. We were up early and started getting organized. We were leaving for the airport at 10:00 but we were down in the lobby waiting at 9. We ate breakfast again for one last time. Rocky said good-bye to his friends at the orphanage. 



Here is a pic of Rocky ready to come to Wisconsin

Look how big his smile is

So we get in a truck with a man that is taking us to the airport. He does not speak any English and this is so intimidating. We drove a long ways and as we were driving Dan made a little comment about this lady standing on the side of the road and how scary she looked and all of a sudden the driver pulled over and picked her up. Dan and I kind of looked at each other like what the heck. we have no idea what is going on. We didn't care just get us to the airport. 

Cameras are illegal down there so we are not allowed to take any pictures in public. I guess in the past too many westerners came and took pics of all the street children and poverty and posted pis on the the news so they outlawed cameras. well I felt I had to get some pics so I took some as we were driving through the window. I had to have some pics for Rocky to see where he came from. I did get some to have as a keepsake for him.

We get to the airport and it was filthy. Nothing like any airport you can imagine. All Dan and I wanted was out of there. OUT OUT OUT. So we get on the plane and we were off. My heart was happy and sad at the same time. We are leaving all these people that need our help behind. What about all the kids that need our help. But then I am now thinking of my family. I know that is so selfish but I miss Hunter and Sommer. I miss my sister and brother and their kids and my in-laws and my dad and his wife. I miss having a warm shower. I miss being able to walk freely in our neighborhood. Going to the store without armed guards watching you. So good-bye Kinshasa hello America. 

The plane ride was long very long. Rocky did as good as to be expected. He hates using a seat belt. He doesn't know what it is. All he knows it is locking him in and he doesn't like it. He screamed every time that seat belt was on. We get to Dulles and had a Wendys hamburger and chix sandwich. it was so good. The soda was great. We are so glad to be in America. Rocky was sick on the way home. He kept holding his stomach and had bathroom issues the entire time. I kept thinking what is going through his head. He probably thinks if this is America being hostage on an airplane he wants to go back to the orphanage. But eventually we made it to Madison and then I had the 2 most beautiful children waiting for me. It was the best feeling to see them. I never realized how much I loved them. I missed them terribly. Not being able to call them and just chat on-line was worse than worse. I guess I am lucky we could do that. I hugged and kissed my kids. I never want to go without them again. They may be 17 and 18 but they will always be my babies. I am still hugging them. I grabbed Sommer from behind today just to hold her. 

So Rocky went to Hunter and Sommer right away. He was tired but you could see he was happy to see them. He saw so many pics of them when we were there. We skyped a couple of times but the connection was bad. But he knew that they are his siblings.

We drove home and told the children all about the Congo and then we said how much we loved them. We can't say it enough.

We walk in our house and our big lab greets Rocky. He was so scared and also scared of our little 9 pound dog. He got over that pretty quick. He is now laying on our lab and going after him. He also loves feeding him. Throwing food on the floor and watch him gobble it up.

We gave Rocky his first bath with warm water. He was so funny. He had no idea how to react. He was tippy toeing in the tub. He kept laughing. He finally sat down and enjoyed every bit of it. he got out when asked and then went to bed. He slept for 10 hours again. 

Going to the Orphanage

Dan and I went to the orphanage on Wed. Vanessa hired a driver to take us. It is about a 45 minute drive from St. Annes. His name was Bosco and he picked us up. We drove about 30 minutes. 30 minute drive seems about 2 hours. It is terrible. My stomach would get upset every time after a drive anywhere. It is a roller coaster. They drive on sidewalks, they go in any lane even when there is on coming traffic. You can't even begin to imagine how it is until you are there. I just prayed we make it to our destination alive. I am not kidding. Every thought goes through my mind. Will we get in an accident? Will we be stopped by the police. Again I would never look them in the eye. They are everywhere. Now after about the 30 minute drive Vanessa our adoption facilitator called and said we need to return to St. Anne to get paperwork for her. So we had to go back and then head out for the orphanage one more time. We arrived at the orphanage. I got out of the car and I see about 100 little eyes running at me for a hug. At that time my heart melts. Everything I cared about at that moment was forgotten about and all my love was going to these kids for the short time I would be there. Dan said he could see the sparkle in my eye. I knew these children all had scabies, might have lice, ring worm and so many other issues but I did not care about this. All I cared about was the love I could give to them for the 1 hour or a bit longer that I could give them all the love they needed. I could only give them so much. They all wanted my attention. They all needed a hug. I hugged and kissed everyone of those kids. Time was too short there. If I could have I would have stayed there the entire 7 days I was there. Even if there was no running water, no electricity, no whatever. I would have stayed with them. They get about 2 meals a day. No milk just water. 

They sleep on bunk beds. The orphanage has 3 bedrooms. When I walked in I didn't notice right away because I wanted to really focus on the kids but after awhile I noticed there was not one toy in site. What happened to all of our donations in the past. We all have donated so much already. The kids were all wearing the same clothes they always had for every picture we see of them. We also have sent so many new clothes. what is happening to all these things? Well from what I see is the mamas must take all these donations and sell them to survive down there. So you have to question which is worse the kids not having one toy or having the mamas sell the stuff so their own family can survive? Who knows. But it hurt me terribly that the kids had nothing. Rocky has no idea how to cuddle with a blanket or stuffed animal. So when I brought in my 2 suitcases full of donations the kids went crazy. It was total chaos. The kids were screaming and having a ball. Then we blew up some balloons and the kids loved these. They had so much fun. It was the best time. I took so many pics and lots of video for the other families to see their children before they come for them. So many families were ecstatic to see the pics and video of their children. It was a blessing. Then it was time for me to walk around and see how the orphanage runs. It was a good orphanage for the Congo. They cook on a fire in the kitchen. They say grace before every meal. The children can not eat until everyone is served. They serve the meal hot and the kids chow. they had rice and beans while I was there. They get lots of food for that meal. I think they eat breakfast and then supper. After they ate it was time to say good bye. I never looked back at the kids. I couldn't. I am glad they were eating. I walked very fast to the car. I just wanted to leave without looking back. It was too hard on me. Most of the children there have families coming for them but still it doesn't make it easy for me. I wish there was something I could do to help these kids. I also realize we have many kids in the states that need our help but the governement steps in and gives them some support but these kids have nothing. They have no shoes, socks etc. The day Rocky wore his 1st pair of socks he wouldn't wear shoes. He wore the socks all day. We threw them out after he wore them that day but something so simple. 

On my way home from the orphanage that day Rocky kept looking back like he knew he would never return. How was he feeling. He liked seeing his friends. He didn't like sharing all the toys but he had fun. Here is the pic of us leaving. 

He stared out of the back window for a long time. He has no idea what is coming next. My stomach is in knots for him. Here he is thrown into this life. No choices for him. Does he like where he is now? Does he like us? How does he feel? Poor little kiddo. I wish we could talk with him and explain everything to him. All I can do now is hug and love him. Is that going to be enough?  

We got home that night and ate bread and jelly again. I am so ready to come home. I am so tired of cold showers, mean police officers, danger every where. How can people live like this?

Everyone we talk with wants to come to America. They all tell Rocky "America America". One comment from a Congolese man said to him that if he lives in America "one day you will own a home and have a black man doing your yard work instead of you doing yard work." They are all so happy for Rocky. Dan and I just wait for night time to come so we can go to sleep and wake up to get the next day over with. But the next day for us is leaving here and coming to America. we are so ready.

It is Thursday in about 1/2 hour Yipee

We got our exit letter today. the government is so corrupt here that the exit letter is supposed to be free but we paid $350 for it. We would have paid more though so we can't complain/

Today was a great day for Rocky. He had an ok breakfast. A St. Anne worker came over and talked to him in Lingala and this really helped. She made him some tea with some stuff in it and he was all happy. I wish we could communicate with him it would make things so much better. When someone talks to him in Lingala he behaves like an angel. We will get there.

We got picked up today from a wonderful person we met down here her name is Lisa. She took us shopping to the market and we bought a bunch of stuff to take home with us. We went broke pretty fast at the market. She also took us to a fabric place and they had the coolest fabric. Now I don't sew but I had to buy some because they looked so cool. It rained out this morning so everything was very muddy. Rocky was an angel the entire time. He just sat at stared at all the commotion.

We came home and ate a little and Rocky took a little nap and then Vanessa sent a driver over to take us to the orphanage. She was a little nervous about this but she told us to keep the doors locked and the windows rolled up so we did. The ride was something else. People selling everything and anything. The scary part about every drive are all the police out there. You can't look them in the eye. You never know what they might do. I saw them on the streets with other people and it is always yelling and very heated yelling. It scares me to no end. The people that are supposed to protect are the most corrupt here. They are everywhere with guns. You also see pick UN trucks with men packed in there with guns. Today we saw a group of police with shoulder pads to knee pads on. What are they expecting here? I am not sure what Dan and I would do if something happened there is no one to protect us. The roads are terrible. Muddy roads with HUGE pot holes. Not small but huge. When someones car dies they leave it in the road and everyone goes around it. It is so crazy here.

Another thing is I am always hungry. This is the best weight loss program. Buy a flight to Kinshasa and you will lose weight guaranteed. They sell bread on the streets but it is so dusty that the bread is probably gross. The bread comes out of these huge baskets on top of these females heads. But I just couldn't do it. It is so dirty here. I always feel I have to take a shower. There is nothing to eat. For one I don't eat meat and there is a lot of chicken around here. So I have been living on bread here. My stomach growls 24/7. But then it puts things in perspective and I can see how half the population lives here.

Also the cold showers. Every morning I take a freezing cold shower. Now I could never go without one because it is so dirty here. I have to take one. You can almost see the dirt roll down you. The other day I bit down in my mouth and it was dirt. So I take the quickest shower I can and get out. Not fun at all.

I did make it to the orphanage today and I will post more on that tomorrow. God bless and coming to America tomorrow.

Heidi

Is it Thursday Yet?

Today was a long day. Rocky really pushed some buttons today. I am a very patient person but he can really do some things that drive us crazy. He hits and bites. He has only bitten once and he sat on a chair for a bit until he realized he did something wrong. He also hits. He hits other people when they are talking to him. We finally asked a man to translate some things for us and he said he is confused. No one speaks his language. It is very hard on him the man said. Rocky also kept whispering something in Dan's ear and of course we don't know what it is so we asked this man and he said that Rocky is saying he wants a big house in America. I guess in so many words this is what he said.

Rocky is a wonderful boy but definetly needs some things to work on. Today we did make progress with food. He did share a chip with another boy around his age. This was huge to us. He always would look away when we would see this boy. Then we told him to share and he did. We were very happy.

He is always on the go. He wants to run, jump. play. climb all the time. It is hard to do this here because of being locked up in this room. We played with bubbles today and he loved this. We also played with a small ball in the hall. He kept running after it. 

We talked to our facilitator today and she was pulled over twice by the police today. They actually pounded on the front of her car once. She said she was very scared. She said they wanted money or her battery. She said it was not a good day for her.

It rained a lot today but we were able to walk to the market for lunch. Again Rocky had a break down. The waitress felt so bad she went behind the counter and gave Rocky a bag of 3 large rolls in it. He was ok after this. He held on to those rolls like there was no tomorrow.

Also when we were eating at the restaurant the floor above was doing some welding and all these sparks were flying on the floor we were on below. The sparks kept dropping down on all the things below and people just kept walking by like it was nothing. Dan and I just chuckled/

Rocky sleeps a lot but tonight he went down a little more difficult. I rock him now but he sings a song that I am not sure what it is and he sang it for a long time until he feel asleep. I am sure it is soothing to him but tiresome for Dan and I. He is very lovable because he will cuddle with us and now is kind of kissing me. But he can also get very angry. It is hard to work on the issues here. It just isn't like home.

Another family adopting a boy around the same age is also having issues but his issues are that he doesn't talk at all. He tried hitting an interpreter here today helping the kids communicate with us. It seems when someone can talk with Rocky in Lingala he is sooooo good. But he ignores us. I guess all we say is te which means no in Lingala. I am more for positive reinforcement but I can't give it to him cuz I don't know the words so I smile a lot at him when he does something good.

We will get through these struggles. Every day there is a little progress in some things but then can also be more things going on. He likes attention good or bad now. So we try to ignore the bad if we can. We will make it and he will be a wonderful child. 

Please pray for us that God will give us the strength and patience for this time in our life. 

Love and hugs to you all
Heidi

Rocky's Christmas List

1. Soccer Ball
2. Cookbook with pics of food so he can lick the pages
3. Play dishes he loves play with spoons like he is eating. That is his favorite toy so far are the plastic spoons we have. He takes them everywhere

4th day of travels

Yesterday we sat and talked with other Americans from Ohio. Very close to us. We plan on keeping in touch. They are adoption a boy and a girl sibling group. The little girl is 3 and the boy is 5. Rocky is very naughty around other children. He will not share or look at them. If I even have them sit on my lap he yells in Lingala. We are very patient with him. I wish we knew what share was in Lingala but even if we did I don't think he would do it.  

His wrist are so tiny. And his upper arm is as tiny as his wrist. But the way he is eating he will grow very quickly. He is now sharing food with us which was a huge issue at first. We lieave out popcorn and food all the time so he knows it is there but there still are so many issues. We went to breakfast this morning that there were other children there and that starts it off bad right there. He cried for a long time and would not eat. Then he crawled under the table and to another little boy and took his fork away and was yelling in Lingala again. Finally I bet after 20 minutes of crying we got him to eat his food.

We went outside for a walk and Rocky and I watched a college football game (soccer). I was taking pictures and then was told to stop. But it was really interesting. This so called "college" is really middle school and high school. they were playing with no shoes on a dirt playing field. they were really good. I had fun watching.

Rocky will only cry for food. He cries for nothing else. Dan says tears are for food not for pain. He will hit his head, fall down, bump into something and never even looks like he wants to cry. I feel so bad because I am sure it is painful for him. He is one tough cookie. Dan thinks that is great. I feel bad. i want to hug him when he gets hurt.

He is so much better at hugging us and holding our hand. He is getting to be very affectionate towards us. He still has not kissed me but has kissed Dan several times. He is so good when he is alone with us. He is so happy but don't bring any kids around. 

It is also how he smells everything he gets. If it is something new he puts it up to his nose if it is a toy or anything. Now if it smells like food he will eat it. it is almost like a dog or an animal. When I a look at a magazine and there is food on the picture he will lick it. 

Rocky had to grow up so fast. He knows how to dress himself and put his shoes on the right foot. He will never have them on the wrong foot or clothes on backwards. He never wants help with anything. He wants to do everything on his own. He is very independent and a strong personality.

He is great at kicking. Wants to kick balls all the time. So I know what Santa will bring him for Christmas. he also loves dishes. he plays with spoons and empty dishes and acts like he is eating all the time.

Yesterday I asked him to say Sommer (my daughters name) in Lingala and he did. I was so excited. He is finally understanding us talking in Lingala. We learned some more words that are easier for him to understand some friends here in Kinshasa.

Vanessa (our adoption worker) came today for some paperwork and Rocky ran to her. They had a special bond. It made me cry. He cried again when she left. she invited us for supper at her house but we had other plans so we had to say no. I thought that was very nice of her. She has been very kind. We also met Sarah at the embassy and she was behind a glass window. She gave us his visa and I said I would love to give you a hug and she said you bet. She came around and gave us a hug. She then said we are supposed to call her and tell her we made it out of Kinshasa safely. If we need any help we can call her. She just kept saying call me when you leave I want to make sure you are safe. Now that is scary. She is from New York but was born here in the Congo. Her family lives in New York and wants her to move back there too because they realize how dangerous it is here. I gave her another hug and said good-bye. Very special person.

Well I better go we will walk to the market now.

Love and hugs to all of you

3rd Day of Travels

It is Sunday here is the DRC and we woke up to beautiful music from the church next to us. It was so soothing for me. The people in the DRC get very dressed up for church it was a neat thing to see.

Yesterday was a great day. Rocky sleeps a lot. We have to wake him up for breakfast and he doesn't want to get up. We have to drag him out of bed and he is not happy. He sleeps a total of 12 hours. I suppose it is the most peaceful sleep he has ever had.

We met some MAF people living here and they took us out and about today. The ride to their house was just like we were in a video game. Dodging cars left and right fighting our way into traffic. no stop signs. Just whoever is more daring will get to where they want to go. We were literally bouncing so much in the back seat our heads touched the roof of the truck. The holes in the road were huge. On their way to pick us up they got bullied by a police officer and had to pay them off. He was a very aggressive police officer too. the police office actually grabbed in their car to open the door and Matthew took the door and slammed it on the police officers hand. He was made. So matthew paid him off and he took off out of there. It is terrible that the police are so corrupt.

It was so nice to talk with some people from America. They had a very nice home and well guarded. they had cement blocks all around their house. So the kids could play outside and be safe. Rocky had a blast with their Levi but Rocky has no idea how to share so this little Levi had to put up with Rocky and taking his toys all day. He was a trooper though. Levi was so sweet to him. Boy did they get dirty outside. They rode bikes, played with trucks and climbed a dead tree that fell in their yard. While they were playing we talked with Matthew and Lisa. they love it here in the DRC. Bless their hearts. It can't be easy. She told me she has 3 outfits for her daughter and just keeps washing them over and over. They can't get any mail so the only way they can get things is through people visiting in the DRC. She was explaining to us when she does laundry and hangs it out these little mango flies lays eggs on their wet clothes. So when they wear their clothes the eggs will hatch and they bit into their skin and burrow in there. You can see the black of their head in the skin. You have to pop it and pull them out. It is some type of parasite. Lisa said she was so grossed out when she got here but now she is used to it. She was showing me marks on her body where they were. Then we were standing on the porch and she said watch out for these bugs. they are called acid bugs. She said they fall on you and burn you like acid and it is very painful. So different than in the US.

They fed us a great supper. They made us chicken, coleslaw and plantanes. The plantanes were so good. Rocky of course had a melt down at food time. But then he came in and ate and ate. He ate the chicken down to the bone. We were all looking at each others plates and then Rocky's plate. How he ate every thing on that bone. Ours were filled with fat and grizzle not his. It was kind of sad how we eat compared to Rocky.

then Matthew had to take us home. Later at night it is dark now and the streets were packed with people partying. Matthew said it is Friday night. The ladies were so dressed up. We did get kind of stuck in an alley and he said roll up your windows and keep your doors locked at all times. That was kind of scary. Then we were on a busy highway. It was about 3 or 4 lanes. This little cute boy walked up to our car as we were stopped begging for money. He looked like one of my 4th graders. I had nothing so I gave him a roll of my breath mints. He had the biggest smile. I felt terrible. He has to stand out there and beg for money. Then as we were driving away at full speed other children were in the same road trying to get things from cars. The cars go around 50 MPH and they are standing on the dividing lines of the roads. that was heart breaking to me.  We finally made it home and were happy to go to bed. We were pretty tired.

Oops I did for get one thing though a lady tried selling her baby to me on the street yesterday. She was running after me as I was walking very fast saying baby baby and I shook my head No no.

Today it is Sunday and we went to the Market one of the very few things we can do around here. We ate and bought some things. Now we are in the room and Rocky is napping for 2 hours now. He loves sleeping. Tomorrow we go to the DGM and get our final paperwork done. Pray that we make it home on time. We will find out more tomorrow.

Thanks for all the prayers for our adoption journey. We are truly blessed to have so much support. Will blog more later but that is it for now.
Heidi :)

Will blog more today but first I will post some pictures of our trip and Rocky

1st two days with Rocky

Our first day and a  half with Rocky has been very memorable!  When he first met us he was very shy. He was dirty looking and was wearing 12month clothes. When our facilitator left, he was sad and cried, however after we introduced him to some toys, all was well again.  We could tell Rocky wasn't used to having is own toys  because he wouldn't set any of them down.  He kept walking around with toys and food in his hands.  Rocy is very skinny, but don't let that fool you, I think he might be soccer star.  He loves kicking balls and is great at it. Rocky is also very good at playing with the different toys.  Other than that he spent most of our first day eating and drinking.  He ate everything he could get his hands on even though he probably wasn't hungry.  He did the same with drinking water...he drank like he was never going to see water again. We found out later on the next morning that all that water made its way out of his body during the night.  Pee everywhere!!!!  At night we ordered out some food...chicken for Dan and spaghetti for Heidi.  We figured Rocky could just eat from our plates.  That turned out to be a bit of a melt down for him.  He was crying and mad at Dan for eating the chicken.  We think he felt that since he didn't have his own meal that we were going to eat all the food and not share.  However, we finished out the night on a good note.  He watched his first movie.  We put Toy Story on the computer and he couldn't take his eyes off of it.  Even though he couldn't understand a single word he laughed often and seemed to love it.  The next morning (after cleaning up all the pee) Heidi took Rocky for a walk around the area. As there were checking out the area, a local women tried to give up her baby to Heidi.  When they got back Dan took him out in the backyard to kick the soccer ball and throw the football.  Once again he got to show off his great kicking skills.  He also surprised Dan by  just stopping, pulling down his pants, and going to the bathroom right there outside in the open. That is definitely something we are going to have to work on. He also likes to hit and bite when he is mad.  Dan got mad at Rocky and he was very quiet after being yelled at.  But time healed that wound and he is o.k. now.  During that time, Rocky laid with Heidi and they were able to have some bonding time.  Afterwards we took a little walk and Rocky was holding our hands. 

Flight to Kinshasa

My wonderful dad and his wife drove us to the airport. My dad is a world wide traveler so he gave us so many little tid-bits of information. it was wonderful to talk with them on our way to Milwaukee.

We are now on the plane to Kinshasa. I am starting to get sick. Not because of illness but because of nerves. I kept wondering are we doing the right thing. I am getting cold feet. I am 46 years old have a 17 and 18 year old at home. Am I crazy? Do I really want this? I didn't know.Everyone may think this is terrible that I was thinking this but it is true. I always told myself that I want to be a mom forever for children that need homes and love. This is why I foster. But now this dream is coming true. The flight was terrible. Not because of the service but being on a plane like that for how many hours drives anyone crazy.

We land in Kinshasa and my stomach was so upset. My eyes were burning from being dry. We go through the passport check place and then walk into package are and see a very handsome man holding a sign saying Mr. Heidi. I tell you that was the best thing I have seen in a long time. There is someone here to greet us. He shook my hand but I wanted to give him a hug. We waited a long time for our luggage. While waiting we were getting a glimpse of the African culture. Now this is just where we were I am not judging the entire African community but what we saw today I will tell you. I am a person that uses please and thank you for everything. So if I bump into you I will say excuse me with a smile or sorry with a smile. That is not what it is like here. It is so different. Pushing and shoving and never a smile or an excuse me. People budge in line without a single thought. I sound like my classroom kids now with them yelling when someone budges. I also see lots of yelling. Everyone seems upset at someone. I don't speak French so I am not sure what they are saying but you can tell by facial expressions they aren't having a nice conversation. Also standing by our baggage claim area there was a gentleman right next to me. He kept doing the framer blow with his nose. I think then my stomach started to get very upset. He did this not once, twice but several times without thinking twice. I also see people ripping off the so called "saran wrap" from their suitcase and just leaving it there. Not even to pick it up.

Then we get in the car on our way to St. Annes. What I saw will never leave me. I am so sick tonight from the poverty and the people all over the streets. Garbage everywhere, people coming up to your car and asking you to buy something. Kids standing in the middle of a busy road like Fond du Lac Johnsons street begging you to buy a soda from them. I see mamas on the sidewalks laying down with their babies next to them. Remember it is so dirty here. There is dust blowing every where. They sell food along side the streets open and then there is a whirl of dust around everything. People have taken pictures of this before that I have seen but until you see it first hand it can't affect you like it did me today. Our drive to the monastery was about an hour but it seemed like a lifetime. I wanted to close my eyes and make it all better for everyone there. Why do they have to have a life like this? Why would God have a entire different world over here from where I live? Why is there children out there selling items when they should be in school and enjoying their life. Isn't childhood supposed to be the easiest and Innocent time of your life? Why Why Why? As we were driving all I kept thinking about is Rocky. I am doing the right thing. I realized this on our drive. We are helping this child to have a better life and to get the love and family every child deserves. I am a save the world type person. My husband always says Heidi you can't save everyone but my comment back is I can one at a time. But today I felt helpless. Yes I realize I am helping an child but as a society there is so much more that needs to be done. I think if I lived here i would feel so depressed because it is all so overwhelming. At least in Fond du Lac if a child needs my help I do everything I can. But here I wouldn't even know when or where to start. Where do you start? I know everyone says we are helping this one child but my goodness is this enough? My stomach aches today for everything I saw. I will pray and pray that there will be some hope some day for the people I saw today. But my heart tells me it won't happen in my life time. As I write this to you my heart will ache for every person I saw out there today. Here we are traveling with 4 suitcases full of goods and pockets full of money and then I see what I saw today. It doesn't seem fair. I am blessed to live in the US. I am blessed to have all the people in my life. I am blessed I have the best family in the world and this goes to my sister, bro, nieces, nephews etc. My husband and my two children have blessed my life. I hope that I can find peace and rest with everything I saw today. 

Tomorrow I will meet my son for the first time. I am so excited. Thanks for reading and until tomorrow. Love and kisses
Heidi

Last Morning in Fond du Lac

I woke up this morning thinking over and over what is going to happen next. I had to teach a 1/2 day today. I kept thinking how can I do this with so much on my mind. But I did it for my kids (classroom). I adore every child in my class. I am really going to miss them. Before I leave for work the hardest thing I have to do is say good-bye to my precious babies at home. I realize they are 17 and 18 but they will always be my babies. It is so hard to say good-bye. They go everywhere with me. I tried hard not to cry but of course I did holding it in as much as I could so my makeup wouldn't run all over the place. I am so luck to be blessed with 2 beautiful kids. So on my way to work I drive by my in-laws and I never see their blinds open with the lights on but this morning I did. So I slowed down and honked my horn for my last good-bye before I leave.  I went my usual route to school and I passed by a lady I pass by every morning walking her dog. I just thought wow the simple things we don't even think about. When I come back I will look forward to seeing her every day even though I don't even know who she is but she is part of my morning. I am going into uncharted territory. I have no idea what will happen next or no control. That is so scary.

I get to school and my wonderful co-workers gave Rocky a Roberts school t-shirt and hat. I know I tell others this and for those of you who don't know I am blessed to work for a wonderful man Mr. Gregory. He actually took time from his busy day to wish me well on my adoption. He came to my room with a class full of students to wish me good luck. This meant so much to me. After my 1/2 day of teaching I said good-bye and onward I went. Now my real journey begins.

2 more Days

Where to start I am not sure. This adoption has taken me so many places I couldn't even imagine. 

1. First when this adoption started Dan and I were happy and lived our lives as Christians. Dan was starting to question his faith. He is a science teacher. He didn't believe that things happen for a reason. There are reasons for everything. When it is a beautiful day outside he believed it isn't because of God it is because of the warm front coming in from a certain area. If there was a flower growing it is because of water, air, soil etc. It is not because of God. Now I on the other hand believed everything happens for a reason. I believe it is all in Gods hands. But one thing I was questioning was my religion. I wasn't happy with where it was going. I feel it wasn't moving forward with society. Change is good but it seemed as thought our religion did not believe this. 

So Dan and I talked and we were going to look into other churches and religions. I was all for this but Dan was hesitant a little. Change is not easy for Dan. And for me I love change. So we went to a new church for us this one Sunday. from the time we walked in I knew this was the church for us. I knew it. I was worried about Dan though. The message the first day at this church was things happen for a reason. There are reasons for everything. This really touched Dan. Things changed from then on. Every time after we went to this new church they seemed like they were speaking to us. They knew about what are thoughts were for the week and the sermon would be about this. We finally talked and this was not a coincidence. So we decided this is a message from God this is the church for us. Every since then we never looked back. we have been so happy. We now go to Community church. The other day I asked my daughter to come to church with us and her comment was I will go if you go to the new church. Our entire family loves this church. Ken Nabi the senior pastor has called us, has met with us, has emailed us and so many others have taken there time for our family. They have been wonderful. They have made us part of their family. They also have helped us financially with our adoption. We are now part of this family and feel whole. There was an emptiness with us before this. I can't say enough on how they have changed our lives in such a little amount of time. Rocky will love it there. Community Church is all about family and children. Children are a huge role for this church.

We want to thank everyone that goes there for making us feel such a huge part of your family

2. I feel like I am 9 months pregnant. I cry all the time. I lost 15 pounds this last 2 months but now I am eating like there is no tomorrow. I can't sleep one bit. I am exhausted all the time. It is true that an adoption is like being pregnant.

Dan and I are packing, getting car seats installed in our cars. There is so much to do right now and think about.

One thing I think about is will Rocky like me. Will he be happy? I know it will take time for our love to grow but there are so many unknowns. 

We will be leaving on Tuesday arriving in DC on Tuesday night. Then leaving DC on Wed going to Africa. We will arrive in Kinshasa on Thursday. we will meet Rocky Friday. Watch for pics.

We are blessed. I have met so many wonderful families. This adoption has been a blessing in more than 1 way. It brought us closer to God, we have met so many amazing people through all of this. And has brought Dan and I closer than ever.

Love to everyone

Heidi