7 Months Home

How Our Life Has Changed!!

Looking back in time and going back to when we first met our little monster to today I am shocked how things can change. When we were in Africa I kept thinking what did we do? Why did we adopt? We have a 17 and 18 year old. Are we ready to start all over again? Then we meet Rocky. This little boy is crazy, he is a monster, he has so many issues. I remember the emails from Vanessa the orphanage director telling me how much she adored Rocky. How he had a special place in her heart. After we met Rocky I kept thinking that she must say that about all the kids because this little kid is crazy. Why did God pick him for us? There has to be some reasons. He bites his dad, he runs from us, he says he wants to beat us, he pretends he has a knife and acts like he wants to cut our heads off with a motion with his hand going across his neck, he hits other kids, he hits me, one time he hit me so hard on my ear it made my ear ring for hours. We got home and there were more issues. The sleep issue was so hard. I rocked him to sleep every night. He attached to my daughter but not Dan or myself so he ALWAYS wanted Sommer. Well she had a boyfriend, a job and a life so she would leave and he would scream for hours and I mean hours. We were exhausted. I don't think anyone had any idea but our older kids on how hard it was on us. We would go to the store with him and he would have fits, run away. He hit me one time at a store and a lady looked at me in shock that my son would do this. I just wanted to cry and scream that we just adopted him. I can't even say in words on how hard it was. My church was great. The people I would talk with did understand. They worked with orphans before on mission trips and listened when I wanted to have a break down. There was a time where I thought this was the wrong thing for us. I have always wanted to adopt my entire life. I eventually talked my husband into it. This is all my fault that our family and marriage will fall apart because of one child. We could never leave him alone in the house. We could never trust what he would do. Well how things have changed in our eyes today.

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes we ask God what is the reason for certain things that happen. I asked God many times why my mom passed away when I was so young when I needed her most. Then I met my husband. I honestly believe my mom had something to do with me finding him. Now I asked God  why did he pick Rocky for us. I guess I just had to give it time to find the reason. Well we found the reason. Rocky is the most fun loving child I have ever met. I have been a teacher for 9 years, my husband for 15 and we both have never run into a child that embraces life as Rocky does. Every day he wakes up with a smile and goes to bed with a smile looking forward to the next day. He asks every night what we will do the next day. We tell him the schedule. If it is school then day care then bike ride. He will be happy. If we tell him school and grandmas he will be happy, if we just tell him school he still will be happy. No matter what we tell him he is all ready for bed to wake up to his new day. One thing we do have to work on is how poky he is on some tasks. Like getting dresses, eating, taking a shower. He is in no hurry. But anything else he does he has no breaks. He is going at 100 MPH all day long. Since we have had him people stop me and say that they wish they had his energy. 

After Rocky got home we got a call for a foster child. He is 9 years old. When they called me and told me about him they said he is a nice boy. That is all they said. So we said sure we will take him. It might be good for Rocky. Well after we got this foster boy we found out more truths about him. He has sever behavior issues, he sees a psychiatrist and a therapist, he is in the EBD program at his school (behavior issues), he is in a program in our community called IYS where he goes with them 3-4 times a week so they can teach he social skills, he has a 73 IQ, he is in 4th grade but acts like a preschooler, he has anger issues where he hit his brother and sisters, the therapist he sees said this is the worst case he has every seen with child neglect and I could go on and on. Well by the time I found out all these things after a month I could not turn him away. I felt no one will take him. My husband said no way but I could not turn him away. I had to keep him. I will protect Rocky and try to help this boy. So I had Rocky to deal with and all the behaviors of this other boy. The boy loves Rocky. If you ask him today what the best part is about living with us he will say Rocky. They do everything together. Of course they have their fights and sibling stuff but there has been no major issues. I can't say they are very close because this boy does have issues but how Rocky is learning right from wrong. The major part of the story here is when we got this boy we figured Rocky's issues could be so much worse. My husband embraced Rocky at this point and realized how special Rocky is for us. I think he would have found this out eventually but with this boy it made it happen much quicker. We can tell that Rocky had some love in the Congo. His mom must have gave him some love.

Rocky wakes up and goes to school. He is in summer school for social skills. I want him to see how others are in a structured setting. His teacher says he is great. I worry so much about him but she says I worry too much. He plays soccer and loves it. My husband is trying to sway him to football and baseball but he loves that soccer. He is good too. He scored so many goals so far this season. He doesn't know what goal to score in yet so he scores for the other team too. All he does is smile. He runs with the biggest smile on his face. He even sits on the other teams bench once in awhile and then the coach sees him and tells him to sit on his bench. We just laugh.

Any where we go in public people know him. I went to Taco Bell one day and a worker came up to me and said is this Rocky? I said yes and she said how cute he is. We go any where and people yell his name. What I love about Rocky is he gets so much attention but he does not ask for it. He doesn't look for it and he acts normal when people give him attention. He doesn't go overboard and shows off. He acts like himself. This is why people love him. The black/African American community in Fond du Lac know him. It is nice he has a connection with people of the same culture. He loves everyone and anyone. He is happy all the time.

Now going back to God and why God chose him for us. Now I know. He is perfect for our family. He fits in so well. We are always busy and going everywhere. And he just goes. Never questions and is up for a new adventure every day. He made Dan and I embrace life more as well. Dan tells me so often how he never realized how much he could love Rocky. I feel he has been part of our life since birth. We look back at the first 2 months of  him coming into our life and realizing how hard it was on us and now it seems as though that was years ago. It is hard to even imagine that he was like that. Right now he has no issues (except regular 5yr old issues). He has grown with out family and is one of us. He is his own person but part of our family. We laugh every day. I have a hard time believing life could have gotten any better than what it was but it has.  I thought our adoption would be great but not to this extent. How much he has added to our family. Life is so short and how to embrace the little things. Like when I give him water and how he says thank you mama, or just a little kiss, all he wanted on his birthday was for us to sing happy birthday. He didn't want presents. He just wanted us to sing to him. That is what life is about. Rocky can appreciate so much and we need to learn from him. At church school when they say to him that in the church service they are singing the last song so mamas and papas are going to come get them, Rocky stands up and says no no no. He asks to pray more than we can think about it. I buy him more shoes than I should and he told me the other day I buy him too many shoes. He is so simple but has such a huge heart. 

We are so blessed with our life and it is all because someone up above picked him just for us. He was meant for us. Someone said to us one time that Rocky won the lottery in Africa to find a great home like yours. Well I think we won the lottery. Out of all those children Rocky was picked just for us.

We are so blessed.

3 months home and how things have changed

We have had Rocky home now for 3 months. I can't believe it has been 3 months already.  At times it seems like it has flown by and other times it seemed like the days would never end.

When we first brought Rocky home he had these fits that we could not control. He would cry and cry and never stop. I am sure it was so difficult on him to be here in America with all white people, no one that spoke his language, all these different rules (like seat belts, schedules etc) and all the sensory overload for him. I remember one Sunday outside in winter (warmer day) and rocking him back and forth on the front porch because he would not stop crying. We would go into a store and he would want something and scream if he could not have it. We were afraid to take him places because of these fits he would have. I knew it would get better but at the time it was so hard. much harder on Dan than myself. He was also a runner and would run from us and laugh. He had no clue what he was doing. he would run in parking lots and during hockey games with 100's of people. I seemed like this terrible parent. I felt like I had no control over my child. I remember the first time taking him swimming and how much he loved it but then leaving the pool he would scream for an hour or so after. He had no understanding that we would return again some day. We just could not communicate this to him. Also when our daughter Sommer would leave for work or just to go out he would scream. So she started sneaking out so he wouldn't see her. He would still cry when he knew she wasn't there but it wasn't as bad.

Now these past few weeks have been wonderful. Dan and I talk every day how much he has changed. He has grown so much and his English is amazing. God has really chosen him for us. He fits right into our family. We were at a soccer camp today and a boy was kicking Rocky's ball when they should have been listening. Rocky kept looking at him telling him no. Then the little boy started pushing him. Dan and I sat and watched rocky (we also were thinking were is the mom to this other boy). Rocky 2 months ago probably would have pushed him back but this time Rocky picked up his ball and moved to another spot. We were such proud parents.

Sommer my daughter left the house the other day and Rocky looked at me and said mama look Rocky not crying. He doesn't cry any more about this. We also can go shopping in peace. If he wants something we say no and he doesn't even whine. I am shocked about this.

We go swimming and he never cries any more leaving the pool. He goes to sleep on his own and never cries. He even takes naps without crying. All these things might seem so small but they are huge steps for Rocky. We are so proud to be his parents.

In church today they talked about trust and how we have to trust in God. I look at how Rocky has grown to trust us. One example is when he first came home my husband would try to throw him in the air and Rocky would resist. He was scared. Today Dan can't throw him high enough. He loves it. How his trust has grown in both of us. He loves holding out hands more.

He has really grown and wants to keep trying to please us all the time. He knows now what is right and wrong. His English is amazing. He talks in long sentences.

Of course we still have many things to work on. Social skills is one. At times people can say hi to him and he will totally ignore them. Other times he is so sweet and says hi. Some times he will run up to a total stranger and hug them. He likes to give lots of kisses. We are trying to stop this.

We are so blessed with our family. Hunter and Sommer are doing wonderful with him. I am such a proud mom and wife. I watch my husband with him and think how lucky we both are.

I am the happiest mom in the world. My life is wonderful. It would be better if we could adopt more but right now Rocky is keeping us plenty busy.

Thanks for reading
Heidi

More pics

The picture below on the left is the first day we had Rocky. He looks so scared, lifeless, spiritless etc. He has come so far. The picture on the right is when he was home with us for 3 weeks. Look at the difference. Looking at that picture it makes me realize we did make a difference in his life. Thank you God for leading us in this direction. :)

Pictures of Rocky at the orphanage

The picture below is his adoption facilitator. She adored Rocky and he adored her. We got a little glimpse of his smile with her. We are blessed she came into our lives with him.

Christmas

Christmas is such a hectic time of year. And now we have a 4 year old who doesn't understand anything and trying to get him through these hectic days. All he understands is opening gifts. He doesn't care if they are for him or not he just wants to rip the paper. Then he tosses the gift to the side. He did wonderful and was very happy throughout the holidays. I am glad they are over. At times like this it makes you realize that we don't need anything at Christmas. All we need is each other. I wish that we could go back in time and appreciate Christmas for what it really is. I am tired of hearing about retail stores and how busy everyone is. The meaning of Christmas is so lost. I have to admit I am part of this also. Why did I buy so many gifts? I tell myself every year I am cutting back and then I never do. Even this year we did not get much for Rocky but 3 gifts would be too much. He is just happy being in our arms and playing outside in the snow. He doesn't care about all the "junk'. But then I feel guilty if I don't get him gifts. I want him to be the person that is not materialistic. I want him to realize it is not important to have fancy cars or a fancy house. I really want him to know how much he is loved. And I mean loved unconditionally. I want him to know he is safe with us and nothing will happen to him. I want him to have the opportunity to get a good education and be the person he will dream about being. All I want him to be is happy. 

I have been thinking about his mother lately. I wonder what she was like. I wonder why she let him go to the streets alone at 3. Things must have been terrible  Was she sick, did she die and Rocky just left, was she so poor that she let him go? What were the circumstances that you let a 3 year old go? I have a statue of a black women holding a black baby by his bed and I tell him every night that this is Rocky and his mama. But he doesn't understand. He thinks it is me. I want him to know I love his mother for what she did. I have the most wonderful son. I tell him every night I will keep him safe and never let him go. I wish I could tell his mother that he is safe with us. I want her to know I will take great care of him. I feel such an emptiness when I think of her. I am trying to contact someone that speaks Lingala and maybe they can get some information from him about his past. I think when he learns English it will be too late for us to learn anything. I did find someone that lives in IL and they will talk with him on the phone but not sure if he will give any information. it hurts me that I won't be able to tell him anything about his past. No pictures or no memories from 0 to 4 years old. 

Dan and I have been going to this wonderful church for about 6 months now and we are loving it. My favorite part of the week is church. I feel like they are our family. One thing I am struggling with is some family members are Catholic and they have a different outlook on us going to a new church. I understand we all have different views on religion and church but my thought is it doesn't matter what religion you are but that we all have the love for God. Part of our family is very religious and so many times I want to talk about what happened at our church and I can't. I bite my tongue every time. It is hard for me because church is now such a big part of my life. I understand that we are family and they want us to continue going to the church they grew up with, but things change. We all change. Change can be good. On Christmas Eve we went to Mass and Rocky typically runs in the room where they teach 4 year olds about God. this time he didn't want to go to that room. He wanted to stay with us. So we thought we would take him to mass and see what happens. It was almost like he knew it was Christmas. He sat there quietly and listened to everything happening. Now if you know Rocky he doesn't sit still for anything. I could not believe how he sat there. Yes we did sit in the front row and we sang our hearts out but still he was so good. Then pastor Ken started talking and he got a little bored and left to go to the restroom but then came back to finish the hour long service. It is almost as if he knew his place to be was with his family that night. It was wonderful that we were all together. Now this is what Christmas is all about. I wanted to tell our family about this. I think they would have been so proud but again I was silent. Why does religion have to but a strain on people's lives like this? It is so hard for me to comprehend. I hope one day we can speak freely about how happy we are and blessed that we found this wonderful church and new family. 

We are so blessed that Rocky is part of our family. Besides having so much energy he is so loving. He kisses people all the time. He told our pastor Ken he loved him. He is so kind and has a big heart. He wants to be like everyone else. On Christmas my niece sang a little song to the family. Well Rocky loved that she was getting so much attention he sang a song after her. Now all we heard was part of jingle bells and that was "Hey" at the end. He was so cute. He hates sweets but after church they serve sweets like donuts or cookies. He has NEVER ate either one but when he sees all the kids eating he will eat one too. He still has to put it up to his nose like a dog and smell it but he eats it. I have to watch him like a hawk when he is around food because he picks up everything and smells it. He must have a good sense of smell. I am thinking when he was on the streets he probably smelled everything and if it smelled like food he would eat it. We went to a buffet today and he would have smelled everything and put it right up to his nose but I hold him back and ask what he wants. I put it on his plate he then goes back to the table and smells it. 

He loves the cold here. He wants to go outside all the time. Dan is getting tired of going out and pushing him in a sled over and over. He will do anything to go outside. Today he was outside smashing an old piece of furniture and he had a hammer and he swung it and it hit his chin. Oh did he cry. He doesn't cry often with pain but today he did. He still has not gained one pound. He has lost weight. I am not sure why but we go to the doctor tomorrow. I think he is started to eat like a normal 4 year old now. He doesn't need to eat 24/7. He would always have food at his place at the table. He would eat more than me. But the last 2 days I said to Dan "he isn't eating very much" and Dan said "Heidi he is probably starting to eat like a normal 4 year old we are just not used to him not eating." Probably true. 

Boy I could do this adoption thing over and over and over again. If it wasn't so much money I would do it again. There are so many kids that need homes but the price of adoption is so costly people are turned away from it. My purpose on Earth is to be a mom and I mean a good mom. I am here to help children that need help. I always wondered why God put me on Earth. Now as I am older I realized I am here for children. I will do all I can to help them. My kids come first (sorry Dan). I think I have a bigger calling coming. I am not sure what that is but I pray every day for God to lead me this way. It is a feeling I have and all I can do is wait. It is all up to God.

Hugs to all of you
Heidi

Here is my video of Rocky's gotcha day video

Rocky in the Snow

Better than expected

I can't believe how good things have been going. We have had one really difficult day with Rocky but that has been it. He has fit right in. It has been wonderful. He loves everything about America. He loves the snow. At first he didn't like it because it went in his eyes but that lasted maybe a minute. He loves wearing his boots and running in the snow. All he wants to do is play soccer. It was so cute when he was playing soccer and the snow was packing the soccer ball was getting bigger and bigger.  You can tell he likes to be outside. I wish it wasn't winter. It can be hard at times sitting in the house with a 4 year old. We take him out every day and he tries to sneak out every once in a while without a coat on. He is a true gift from God.

The things that Rocky needs to get used to here in the states.

1. When you go swimming in a public pool keep your swim trunks on. It is not a public bathtub
2. Don't do the farmer blow with your nose until you have a tissue
3. You don't need to smell the food before you eat
4. During the day you don't need all the lights on in the house
5. Don't strip naked when you are going #2
6. Don't go to the bathroom outside in public always use a restroom unless you are way up north with Papa where there are no restrooms
7. Don't drink Ketchup out of containers it is used for dipping
8. Don't open the fridge 100 times a day to see if there is food in there. it will never go away. We are constantly telling him to close the fridge.
9. When the teacher gives you glue it is not conditioner for you to put in your hair.

We have been having so much fun with him. The only difficulty has been is his attachment to my daughter. She comes and goes because of her job and school. he doesn't understand this. He screams and cries and wants her all the time. It is hard on her and him. This morning she left for school and he was devastated. I am not sure if he is thinking she will never return. Then she feels bad and she feels such an obligation to him. He wants to sleep with her eat with her and do anything and everything with her. I wish I could help both of them with this. 

His sleeping could be better too. He never wants to go to sleep. Once he is asleep he is a sound sleeper but it takes 1-2 hours to put him to bed. It is so tiring. I wish there was something we could do. Last night he did wake up but he just sat there. he didn't cry he just sat up. I finally took him and rocked him back to sleep. This probably has been the most difficult thing with him. I just think about him on a street alone. Living alone at 4 years of age. I am not sure how long he lived alone on the streets but I am sure it was a couple of days. There are so many kids running on the streets there. We just have to be understanding toward him.

He does say i love you, he counts 1-2-3-5 and skips 4 for some reason. He says Sommer, mama, papa and Hunter. He does copy us when we say something like "your silly" then he will say mama silly. He understands lots of English but talking will take some time.

He loves school. He never wants to leave. Tonight he has a Christmas program and we are so excited. He has been kind of singing Jingle Bells in his own way. Everything is coming together. We are so blessed to have Rocky in our lives. never a dull day.